Dear Husband

I've been struggling lately with what to say to you. There's so much left unspoken, given the way that things ended. There's so many explanations I want you to hear, so many wrongs I'd like you to acknowledge.

But then I stop myself. And one word comes to mind. A word you have never been good at understanding: no.

No.

No, I am not going to let you dominate this space.

No.

No, I am not going to use this forum to list the many (MANY!) reasons I'm still angry.

No.

No, I am not going to give you any more control - over me, over my life, over the choices I make.

No.

(It's a complete sentence, or so I've heard).

I'm not exactly sure what I have to say - my voice has been silenced for so long that I wonder which musings are worthy of sharing, and which are best kept to myself.

But I do not wonder about what I envision for this space - a place that I can use to re-discover who *I* am, a place in which I once again can find my voice.

Dear (soon-to-be-ex) husband: this place isn't about you. You've dominated my life, and my thoughts,  long  enough.

This space is for me. It may be one of the only things left that is entirely mine.

So, with this brief note, I bid you adieu. While you will inevitably show up, from the sidelines, in the future, I refuse to allow you to become the main attraction.

I'm saying no. I've never been good at that, but I'm learning, and I gotta admit - it feels good.

My name is Jo.

And this is my home.

You are not welcome here.

Comments

  1. CristyOctober 12, 2017 at 5:44 AM

    Applauding you. This first step of defining boundaries is so hard, but also can be freeing. May this be a safe space for you to write what ever is in your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  2. SOctober 12, 2017 at 9:55 AM

    Good for you! So glad to see a post from you. Hope you are well.

    ReplyDelete
  3. areyoukiddingmeOctober 12, 2017 at 12:30 PM

    Excellent - when you start a new chapter in your life, you get to determine which characters have relevant parts. Much luck in your rediscovery process.

    ReplyDelete
  4. MinaOctober 14, 2017 at 9:14 AM

    I was just thinking about you these days. Can't say why, it's just that you and your boys popped in my head for some reason. Happy to hear you are taking charge of your narrative. I like your how you write.

    ReplyDelete

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